G Gundam Villains Heaven
by Kaze Ishikawa
Summary: Urube, Michelo, and Wong are stuck in Hell and have to take a roadtrip (guided by Uncle Virgil) to their Heaven. Rated PG for Urube always trying to kill people.
1. Prelude

Wong was snoring loudly when a tall shadow fell over his form.  
  
"So Wong's here too?" asked an older Japanese man wearing a green military uniform.  
  
"It would seem that all the villains from Mobile Fighter G Gundam are here," said Michelo Chariot as he looked around the odd place that surrounded them. Michelo's eyes widened as he saw Urube Ishikawa place his hands over Wong's nose and mouth.  
  
"W-what are you doing?!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Oh, nothing," grinned Urube. After a few moments, Wong's face started to turn blue. After another moment, Wong's eyes snapped open.  
  
"Thought that would wake him up!" cackled Michelo as the Major let Wong breathe.  
  
"It was my idea, baka," snapped Urube. Michelo had a look of disappointment on his face until an overly cheerful young man walked out.  
  
"Hiiii! ^___^" said the young man, "I'm Uncle Virgil, your guide to Hell!"  
  
"We're in Hell?" asked Wong as he took in gulps of air.  
  
"Well, sort of," said Uncle Virgil as he scratched the back of his head, "It was really bad until the author came along and decided to improve it."  
  
"But why would he do that?" asked Michelo.  
  
"Well, the explanation SHE gave me was that she did it because you guys were so cute," chuckled Uncle Virgil. Wong and Urube looked over at Michelo, who was beaming.  
  
"Him? Cute?" asked Wong. Uncle Virgil looked at Michelo, wrinkled his nose, and shook his head.  
  
"No, just two guys by the name of ahh. . ." Uncle Virgil whipped out a pad of paper and looked at the notes scribbled down on it, "Urube Ishikawa and Wong Yun Fa." Urube's ego started to bloat while Wong finally noticed his surroundings. Hell was covered in pink fluffy clouds and had colorful flowers sprouting out of mid-air.  
  
"Why am I getting flashbacks from SaGa Frontier?" asked Wong, "I. . . I want my teddy bear!"  
  
"What's a SaGa Frontier?" asked Michelo as he searched through the clouds for a beer bottle.  
  
"It's not really important, just a videogame where Hell looked like. . . like this," stammered Wong.  
  
"So this pansy is supposed to be our guardian angel or something?" chuckled Urube as he innocently towered over Uncle Virgil, who meeped in fear before he responded.  
  
"Well, technically I'm your guide to Hell," said Uncle Virgil, "But you aren't going to stay here."  
  
"Then where are we supposed to go?" asked Wong, "Someplace with pocky and chocolate?"  
  
"You have to take a road trip to get to the paradise created by the author," said Uncle Virgil, "This place is called G Gundam Villain Heaven. . . GGVH for short." A ray of light shone on Uncle Virgil as he said the name, and the three villains knew that they were in the presence of someone holy.  
  
"Can I shoot him?" muttered Urube.  
  
"Not if he's going to lead us to a place with booze and women!" exclaimed Michelo as he held the psychotic Major back.  
  
"And chocolate!" grinned Wong, "But we can't take a road trip without a car."  
  
"You don't only get a car," grinned Uncle Virgil, "You get the Big Evil Bus- BEB for short."  
  
"What is it with this place and abbreviations?" asked Urube. A bus that looked like it had driven right out of the Care Bears TV show appeared behind Uncle Virgil. It was white and covered in giant pink hearts.  
  
"Cute!" exclaimed Wong, "Does it come with chocolate?"  
  
"With the BEB, we can get to GGVH," smiled Uncle Virgil as he opened the door and hopped in the driver's seat, "All aboard!"  
  
"I still want my beer," grumbled Michelo as he climbed on.  
  
"This place is too happy," mumbled Urube as he stepped on.  
  
"Chocolate!" grinned Wong as he bounced on.  
  
And thus, the journey to G Gundam Villains Heaven began. 


	2. Clash of the Egos: Urube vs Wong

"99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!" sang Michelo as he danced around on the BEB.  
  
"Take one down . . ."  
  
"Shoot Michelo with a round . . ." hissed a disgruntled Urube.  
  
"99 bottles of MEEP!" Michelo had to duck, as the plush chair he was sitting in was suddenly full of bullet holes.  
  
"Urube, how many times do I have to tell you rule number 27 of the BEB? 'Don't shoot/strangle/stab/drown/suffocate/attack/throw any of your fellow BEB passengers!" Uncle Virgil wagged his finger at Urube, who answered by growling.  
  
"Yeah, hush up!" hissed Wong. Urube looked at the former Prime Minister and raised an eyebrow when he saw the pocky-eater bent over beside Uncle Virgil, as if directing him.  
  
"What are you doing?" he muttered.  
  
"Trying to hit squirrels!" cackled Wong.  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you, they're DEMONS, not SQUIRRELS!" exclaimed Virgil. Michelo blinked a few times before asking, "Can I throw beer bottles at the demonic squirrels?"  
  
"No," replied Virgil.  
  
"Beer cans?"  
  
"No. . ."  
  
"Beer pints?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Beer. . . Umm. . ." Michelo paused to look around, "Beer. . . Beer?"  
  
"NO!" screamed Virgil as he slammed on the brakes, causing Michelo to fly forward into the windshield of the BEB.  
  
"That's what you get for not wearing seatbelts! ^_______^ Kehehehe!" Wong had a very wide grin on his face as he said this, while Urube tried to count how many demonic squirrels the bus had passed. Michelo slid to the floor in anguish before attempting to whack Virgil with a beer bottle. Virgil's calm eyes narrowed as a bolt of pink fluff hit Michelo in the throat.  
  
"What the . . . why do I sound like a chipmunk?" asked Michelo, sounding like he had just sucked a lot of helium.  
  
"It's my special Virgil-ish powers," smirked Virgil, "I can make anyone's voice sound like a chipmunk!"  
  
"As if his voice wasn't squeaky enough already," grumbled Wong as he wiped off his omnipresent glasses.  
  
"22 Demonic Squirrels." Urube was still counting the squirrels.  
  
"Shut up, Wong!" squeaked Michelo, "At least I don't sound like . . . like . . ."  
  
"That's right!" laughed Wong, "My voice is way sexier than yours!"  
  
"23 Demonic Squirrels."  
  
"Is nooooot!" whined Michelo.  
  
"24 Demonic Squirrels. _;;;"  
  
"Is too! Is too! Is too!"  
  
"I think I have a sexy voice," chirped Virgil.  
  
"25."  
  
"At least I don't sound like I have a beer bottle stuck up my patoosh," grumbled Michelo as much as a chipmunk voice could.  
  
"26. THAT'S IT!" Urube was mad: the argument had caused the Major to lose count. God knows what horrors awaited Wong, Michelo, and Virgil . . .  
  
. . . Until Virgil used his powers on Urube.  
  
"This cannot be," whispered Urube as he touched his throat, "I can't sound like a helium-induced madman!"  
  
"Urube with a squeaky voice? The world has ended," Wong blinked before staring at Virgil, "Those powers of yours are pretty impressive, but they can't match mine!"  
  
"You think so, Prime Minister?" Virgil smiled as he pulled into a Hellish rest stop.  
  
"Yes, you may be able to make people have squeaky voices, but can you sit in a plush chair with this much class?" Wong pulled out his omnipresent red plush chair and sat in it, flashing his most charming fangirl-magnet smile. A group of fangirls passing by noticed Wong, and instantly fell into a swoon.  
  
"Fangirls think that THAT is impressive?" Urube chuckled in his evil chipmunk voice, causing a few of the fangirls' faces to fault, "Virgil! Give me back my voice at once so I can prove Wong wrong once and for all!" Virgil looked at Urube with determined eyes and nodded, "Anything to prove him wrong!" Urube smirked as he felt his normal fiendish voice returning. He turned towards Wong and chuckled, "You can't beat this. for in event of such an event, I trained this body to perfection!" And with that, Urube ripped off his military jacket, tie, and shirt ala G Gundam Episode 48. The fangirls that had been staring at Wong let their eyes avert to the Major, who was beaming with pride.  
  
"You may be able to show off your Dragon Ball Z wannabe muscles, but can you do THIS?" Wong spun around to face the fangirls, his usual suit transforming into a super-cute blue robe and a large teddy bear forming in his hands. He sat on a nearby park bench and let his head rest on the teddy bear, letting his eyes sparkle with pure kawaiiness. The fangirls who had been gawking at Urube immediately looked at Wong before rushing over and hugging/kissing/etc. the Prime Minister.  
  
"I can't beat that," sighed Michelo, "Can you?"  
  
"I refuse to hug a teddy bear like that," growled Urube.  
  
"Will we ever get to Heaven?" sighed Virgil. 


End file.
